The power of personal pronouns

When people refer to us in the third person, they use gendered pronouns. Pronouns are useful in language and are an important part of a person's identity. Pronouns help affirm who we are and foster a healthy sense of self by allowing people to self-identify.

But what exactly are pronouns, and how are they used? Pronouns are words people use to refer to someone when they’re not using an individual's name. Common pronouns include:

• He/him/his

• She/her/hers

• They/them/theirs

Some people may use more than one pronoun, such as she/they.

“To first understand pronouns, it helps to understand the difference between sex and gender identity,” says Cris Peacock-Coleman, a registered nurse at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital who identifies as gender fluid, meaning Peacock-Coleman does not identify with a fixed gender. “Sex is a label assigned at birth based on biological markers — your presenting genitalia of male or female. There is also intersex, which is having anatomical characteristics that are neither typically male nor typically female.”

Understanding gender

Gender identity is how a person feels inside and, often, how they express themselves to the world. Like sexuality, gender is a spectrum and can be fluid. A person may identify with one pronoun in their 20s and later use different pronouns.

Pronouns are a way to identify the gender identity of someone you meet, Peacock-Coleman says, and understand how they describe themselves. You cannot tell someone’s pronouns based on appearance. Asking about pronouns is a direct, respectful and simple way to learn about them.

Proper use of how you refer to a person's gender identity is an important way to show courtesy and acceptance. It’s often compared to correctly pronouncing someone's name.

Pronouns in relationships — personal and professional

Imagine looking in the mirror and feeling confident in who you are — especially when others use pronouns that reflect your identity. Now imagine someone using the wrong pronouns when speaking to you. It can feel invalidating and deeply disrespectful.

“Acknowledging another person’s self-identity is wonderful, respectful, affirming and even confidence-boosting,” says Peacock-Coleman. “Using correct pronouns allows someone to know they are in a safe place to be themselves.”

Kelly Ravenscraft, a chaplain at Sharp Coronado Hospital who uses she/they pronouns, says using correct pronouns allows others to be seen, heard and understood.

“It is essential to understand and utilize a person’s correct pronouns,” Ravenscraft says. “It means that we observe and uplift their dignity and can address life-affirming needs that care for someone’s mind, body and soul.”

For people who are transgender, nonbinary or gender nonconforming, affirming their pronouns can also be a matter of life or death, especially for youth. “When pronouns and identities are affirmed, the rate of suicide attempts decreases,” Ravenscraft says.

It’s OK to ask — and make mistakes

So, how can you respectfully ask about an individual’s pronouns? According to Sarah Saunders-Harbaugh, director of Ambulatory Services at Sharp Chula Vista Medical Center, who uses she/her pronouns, it’s OK to ask. “I’ll say, ‘Hello, my name is Sarah, and I go by pronouns she/her. What can I call you?’” she says.

It’s important not to assume someone’s gender or pronouns based on appearance, clothing, name or behavior. If you’re unsure, use neutral language until you can ask.

“I avoid using gender-specific pronouns,” says Andy York, a project equipment analyst with Sharp’s Facilities Management & Development Department, who uses he/him pronouns. “I use they/them/their pronouns or their name until I can ask them what they prefer. In a meeting setting, I avoid gendered language, such as ‘ladies and gentlemen’ or ‘you guys,’ and use gender-neutral terms, such as ‘folks,’ ‘everyone’ or ‘friends.’”

Rules to live by

Normalizing conversations about pronouns helps build understanding. The more we hear and see the use of pronouns — for example, on a name badge or email signature — the more we become accustomed to the idea of acknowledging and respecting each other.

At Sharp, physicians and team members believe in treating all patients and their families with respect, kindness and dignity. Each interaction matters.

Sharp embraces all people and is committed to providing safe, high-quality, equitable care to all, upholding dignity and respect for everyone. Understanding how pronouns support identity helps strengthen our connections and interactions.

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