How to support a woman with breast cancer

Receiving the news that a person you love has breast cancer can be devastating. It is a diagnosis that affects not only the patient but also those who love and support her.

"As a pathologist who examines and analyzes tissue to make diagnoses, I'm very familiar with breast cancer," says Dr. Omid Bakhtar, a physician affiliated with Sharp HealthCare.

"Still, nothing prepared me for my wife's diagnosis during the eighth month of her pregnancy."

When it comes to breast cancer, many people find themselves grappling with distressing situations, such as the need for surgery on one or both breasts, decisions about breast reconstruction, loss of hair and exhausting courses of treatment.

These are intensely personal and emotional circumstances in which loved one, when equipped with knowledge, a plan and a support system, can make a tremendous difference during a woman's journey toward recovery.

Not just a "woman's issue"

"One of the most important things a partner who is facing a loved one's breast cancer diagnosis can do is understand the process," explains Dr. Bakhtar. "Breast cancer is not just a diagnosis, treatment or recovery, but a series of these events and others."

While your first instinct may be to "fix" the problem at hand, partners will serve their loved one better by acknowledging fears, confusion and even anger about the diagnosis, and openly communicating with her about how she feels and what she needs. Some caregivers benefit from support groups or talking to friends, while others prefer to do their own exhaustive research or get information directly from their loved one's doctor.

It can be easy to miss something important a doctor has said or forget an important note or task, especially when under the stress of cancer. It's vital for a partner to be an active participant in the process.

There are several ways to stay on top of a loved one's treatment while also showing meaningful signs of support:

• Attend doctor appointments — Ask questions and take notes.

• Communicate — Allow her to talk about her pain, fears and needs without trying to solve each concern; simply listen and offer support.

• Circle the wagons — Reach out to others and keep them informed of setbacks and progress in your loved one's condition.

• Ask for help — Friends and family can help care for a loved one, stand in when you cannot be there, give you a shoulder to lean —or cry — on, and share in some of the milestones and celebrations along the way. This can be from a head-shaving party to the last chemo appointment.

• Find ways to relieve the stress — Get outside, meet a friend or take time to do something together that is fun and unrelated to cancer.

• Be honest about what you need to provide support — It's OK to let your loved one know if you need time alone, sleep, exercise, an excursion with friends or something else.

"Remember that self-care is a key component of caring for someone with breast cancer," says Dr. Bahktar. "Breast cancer is not only a 'woman's issue.' Oftentimes, when the experience is shared, you and your loved one can come out on the other side with a stronger and more meaningful relationship."

Learn more about breast cancer; get the latest health and wellness news, trends and patient stories from Sharp Health News; and subscribe to our weekly newsletter by clicking the "Sign up" link below.